The curtain just opened on |Heather|

The oddestb thing of all (cases?) |Day two|

2008-03-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

Date: Monday, March 24, 2008
Time: 10:47pm

Well folks today was interesting to say the least, for starters I’m tired right now. You may say, so what, well for an insomniac it’s a startling idea that you are in fact tired and want to sleep.. Very odd. That would be the best way to label this day as, odd. I’m writing now because I want to sleep soon and I don’t know if I’ll make it until 1am to update this thing. Well I should start by saying, I did not wake up until 3 in the afternoon which of course put me out of wack with everyone else who’d indefinitely been up since 10am. Weird little creatures of habit those ones are, I mean who in their right mind wakes up early on a day off?

Yes I had a day off today not sure why I mean it’s Easter but we also have a ‘spring break’ coming up soon. I found myself bored to tears and started downloading games for my gba emulator and wound up playing Pokemon. The old firered version, I hate all the new sell out versions these days. I was fine with the old pokemon while they had to ‘revise their product’ whatever.

That’s not the odd part, ok it kinda is me caring about a game that much to shout when I lost. Is painfully obvious odd for me. The weird part was I had a very deep conversation with my dad, well step dad but I call him dad. Now anyways, for the longest time I couldn’t bring myself to dare call such an amazing guy dad. It didn’t seem to make any bloody sense that he could be considered my father, in any light. Not sure what changed I think I just grew up and got sick of making my real father feel ok by just calling my step-dad ‘dan’ which is like one letter off from dad anyways. So grow up already people, really it meant a lot to be able to call him dad now.

So the conversation started off with me yelling at him, then it ended with me thanking him, I’m guessing you’d like the in-between. Well we started talking about God eventually and I ask him questions he answered he found out one of my most hidden secrets. Which no, I’m not sharing shessh. He treated me like another adult though and didn’t laugh at me or anything which most people won’t do with me. They don’t realize how much I think, and how I think. Which is by far not measured within child-like boundaries of the soul. I showed him some of my writing he liked it I think.. Hope anyways ^^; but I feel better knowing some of the things he told me. SO I guess that’s a good thing.

So odd, odd, odd I want a different word for it, so I don’t sound so repetitive HA Peculiar good that one works very well. It’s just I’ve been thinking so much lately that it was nice to spill it out to another person that I can trust.

Though my thoughts on love are still very rash and out there, well hey I didn’t say I was perfect ok? Love to me has to be one of the biggest things in your life to make it better. So far I havnt had he love I’m talking about, but I do have love, my family friends, God(so everyone says.. Not to sure but I think their right..ish) I don’t normally have days that end with me happy, and like, someone out there actually CARES two sense to take care of me.

Here’s a few basic rules about me

1) I’m a tough girl
2) I’m not as tough as I say
3) I stand up for people
4) except myself
5)I’d die for any of my friends or family
6)I need to hear that I’m beautiful every once in awhile, even if I tell you to shut up
7) I wish someone would help e be brave and stand up for me no matter what
8) I day dream about the perfect guy
9) which in normal standards he’s very far from perfect…
10) I have a weird taste in men
11) I think a lot…
12) No, I mean A LOT
13) Life scares me

I mean how does no one see this? Am I that guarded of an individual that no one is even BOTHERING to see the real me? How can they be ok with my stand-offish I’m a smart girl who can handle herself ways. I can barley stand them and I’m the one doing it, ya know. The only reason I can come up with is, they plain old don’t care and would rather me be how I act. I can’t bring myself not to be so cold to the world, it’s like the world has frozen itself to me, so I should teach it a lesson.

I know there’s someone who’s perfect for me out there, then there’s the person I want to be with.. Too bad I created him in my own mind. Once you do that the probability of ever finding such a person drastically plummets. Sadly I wasn’t aware of this rule at seven when I decided to create him…

That’s way too much information for you guys, sorry I’ll be more careful next time promise. I think I’m off my rocker to be totally honest… no one else seems to think so. They call me, smart, very smart or brilliant. Ok no one has said that, only two people.. Three -_- I don’t know why I don’t feel smart but people think I am?

I was once told(today actually)

‘Be careful about what the world says’ an extremely smart man who’s been through more then I could ever attest to. So I know that he very well knows what he’s talking about. I look at him, all he’s doing now and how nice his life is turning out to be and feel hopeful. That maybe, just maybe things can turn out for the better.. Well just have to wait and see huh? There’s so many twist and turns in life that I’m about ready to sit down and have a sandwich and calculate my options

I want to be a writer, and a photographer. You need money to buy a camera, it’s free to write. I’ll stick with writing for right now, spring break brings going to my moms, and seeing Andrew and Thaney.

Well that’s all for now Chelsea lately is coming on and I don’t want to miss it

Stop laughing xD the shows pretty good ok!

Love always,

A happy Heather

For now =)

The Intro to the end. |first day|

2008-03-23T22:31:00.001-07:00

Date: Monday, March 24, 2008
Time: 1am

I’ve decided my life needs to be recorded if only to keep some witness of myself so as not to slip into the cracks of time. Vanishing with nothing more then a grave marker that eventually will be lost as well, I don’t even want to think about it. So what to write in my online journal huh? I guess who I am could be a start right? Well my full name is Heather Rose McMahon, but you can feel free to call me plain old Heather, minus the plain, and old parts of course. I’m currently 16 years old my birthday is June 5th.. Wow this is all pretty basic boring stuff huh? I guess it’s just easier to get it out of the way first though that’s not a good plan to draw in an audience really… ah well. As for looks go I’m a natural blonde(dirty blonde really) but I recently died it red, why may you ask? I have ALWAYS wanted dark red hair, I’m Irish and have the childish need to have red hair so I feel I match better.. Something like that. Eye a hazel that’s odd, it’s a stormy grey blue with splashes of green hues, but when I cry it become cat emerald green, like my cat moose.

As for size I’m about 5’7 and 124 pounds(but lets keep that to ourselves, I don’t care what you say I feel to heavy) and my shoe size is a nine, big for a girl. AT least I presume it is, I have no clue I’m the only daughter for my father. Then it’s three boys, of course my mother had two daughters and two boys, will get into that when I really feel comfortable enough to discuss it. Right now I really just need to write and the book I’m trying desperately to create has come to a stand still due to my normal mood swing like days.

It was easter today, well I guess it would sorta be yesterday but anywho.. It was alright I got concert tickets to see The hush sound with Panic! At the disco, I’m excited but it’s not until may 6th.
How does my father expect me to get excited know knowing it will drag on forever until then. He doesn’t really catch on to concepts like that. AH I forgot to mention one very important factor, my friend.. Lets call her Eve would be mad at me for mentioning it. It doesn’t ‘make me who I am, and you’re still pretty no matter what” which is pure bullshit seeing as how she doesn’t have it, how the fuck would she know? Sorry pardone moi French. I have psoriasis it’s a skin disorder most people get it here and there I have it EVERYWHERE, yes when I say everywhere, I mean, everywhere =/ and it’s not just alittle everywhere, it’s dark red, or white and flaky depending on the weather and creams I put on it.

It’s truly a pain in the ass I’ve had it since I was a baby which has made school life a living hell, I can’t blame anyone for picking on me because of it. I mean they don’t see it often, don’t know about it.. Why wouldn’t they destroy my self-confidence for their own pleasure? I’m betting you can just choke on the sarcasm eh? Sorry I try to be nice when I can you get cold when you’re not ‘goddess beautiful’ or maybe bitter is a better word? Idk really it comes and goes like some sick monster after the children.. Not sure where I was going with that comparison.

But I guess I’m on the topic of my skin because the truth is, it has made me who I am, a carpet for people to walk all over get her to do stuff so she feels worth something more then a pile of shit in your house. I guess I wish that it didn’t make me, that I could really say “It’s just an illness, I’m fine either way’ because I know I would be fucking myself over trying to lie that much. I can only take so many bullshits in one day ya know? And I wasted them pretending my easter didn’t blow… I don’t know what I expect anymore, some guy to show up, for no reason on gods green earth, fall in love with me and romance and danger insues.. Sorry day dreaming… I do that a lot maybe some time I’ll share with you the entrance into my find, until then lets stick with the now.

I have a rat, and am a girl, that seems to confuse some people…. I don’t understand why Romeo is a perfect gentalman, if you don’t have food anyways. He’s very clean and smart. I also have a cat named Moose, don’t laugh, I didn’t name him, he used to be my grandmothers honest. Poor boy is the best example of a male ego gone large, but he’s snipped.. So he really can’t show off, he’d be laughed at by every tabby on the block. He’s my love of course, a good boy….when he chooses. He’s also a pain in the ass, rude, selfish and arrogant, like most men I meet so I can’t count his sex against him. He does keep me warm in the winter by sleeping next to me, and he only likes me.. Unless you have food. What is it with males and food? Or maybe it’s just animals.. Lastly I have a dog named Camry, once again not my name choice, it was my step-mothers. If my oldest brother Andrew had it his way she’d be named Fox Mcloud, yes I’m 100% serious. I almost said yes if only to be able to shout “Fox Mcloud you get out of the garbage!” then have a small giggle fit and walk away.

Well it’s getting up to 1:30 now I feel like I could write for hours, I mean I haven’t even talked about my day. Ah well maybe I should sleep to some sad songs and cry. Don’t make fun of me I’m not ‘emo’ whatever the hell that means anymore. I’m just a very odd person, with issues like every other person, being a girl does not help. I’m not saying our sex is more vulnerable to crying but.. Oh who am I kidding we’re cry babies a lot of the time.. Some of us, there are exceptions. WELL this was a hoot,

talk to you later
Love always-
Your insanely odd Heather Rose McMahon… but will stick to Heather eh?